Now, I don’t believe that abusers are “bad people” to the core. You constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them, not wanting to “set them off.”.They use threats as a means of control.While they believe it’s fine for them to dole out abuse and that people should just “take” their “truths” (“I’m just being honest”), they themselves react strongly and negatively to anything that threatens their position. (It’s never their fault.).They routinely try to degrade people they unconsciously view as stronger, more powerful, popular, or successful than them.They systematically attack people in your peer group who they deem as a threat, effectively isolating you.They use dismissive language that insults and belittles your abilities, appearance, hobbies, emotions, etc.They create false scenarios or ideas about you to enforce their comfort, degrade your character, and shift the blame to you.They use an identity as a shield or reason for their behavior – one that makes you think it’s OK/excusable, because they’re sick, marginalized, or marked by abuse themselves.The following is a list of common behavior traits and practices that point to abusive personalities: Since then, I’ve become more attuned to the signs of someone who is likely an abusive personality – and unfortunately my intuition hasn’t been wrong yet. It also opened my eyes to others who were also taking advantage of me in on my vulnerable state. All the while my physical, mental, and emotional health suffered – as well as countless relationships with other people. I spent the better part of fifteen years making excuses as to why it was OK, wasn’t that bad, etc. It took seeing my ex’s behavior (and how it affected me) through the eyes of others to realize it wasn’t healthy or acceptable at all. It doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship either – it could be a friend, roommate, parent or other family member, a leader or member of your community. “Well, I’ve seen them do X to other people, but they haven’t done it to me.”Īs a society, we’ve begun to recognize more that abuse comes in many forms that can affect you mentally and emotionally and even physically – without someone ever laying a hand on you. “Well, she/he/they doesn’t HIT me, so it could be worse.” And so the line of “re-assuring” self-talk usually included: When I was growing up,being in an abusive relationship meant that someone was being physically assaulted. But in consulting with others who have survived abuse themselves as well, the consensus was that this post may be helpful – especially for those who may be in denial or just starting to have the veil lifted from their eyes. I have worried about addressing such a difficult topic right now, when a way out may feel really hard or impossible for any number of reasons. For others, the lack of freedom and close quarters combined with heightened stress is likely revealing truths that lurked just below the surface. For some, they very much know the reality of their predicament. On a “good/normal day”, options and ways out of an abusive situation can seem very limited or inaccessible. My heart hurts deeply for those who are facing that situation right now. Just even trying to picture it sends my anxiety levels through the roof. Neither of us can imagine trying to get through these difficult times if we had still been in our previous marriages. One thing though that my partner and I keep remarking on: the blessing that we’re in this together, in a healthy and supportive relationship. ![]() The last month hasn’t been easy in so many ways: the crisis of watching a large chunk of our livelihood get swallowed up by event cancellations and postponements, dealing with sheltering in place, being separated from family and friends, and other challenges I’m sure many of you are also dealing with. Before we dive into the sigil, how it was made, and how to use it, I want to give a little bit of background – as well as help to identify some more subtle forms of abuse that we may have a tendency to ignore or sweep under the table. A Sigil for the Protection of the Vulnerable is designed to aid those who on top of the difficulties we’re all facing as a society, may also find themselves in abusive situations as well.
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